it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize