I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
