I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
