I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
