Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
