making cat noises will not fix the situation.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
