If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
