the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
