Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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