just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
