I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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