i love accidental penises.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
