I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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