she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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