so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
