is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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