Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
