Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
