Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
