Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
