This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
