So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
