You smell like a Billy Joel song
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
