I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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