you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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