i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
