oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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