a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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