i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
