the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
