dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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