first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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