I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
