Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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