Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
