Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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