"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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