The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
