i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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