last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
