need another drink. this is the easiest way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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