I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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