Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
