1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
