I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
