smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
