you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
