so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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