i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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