I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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