Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
