dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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