Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
