Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
