it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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