i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
