Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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