He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
