Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize