2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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