yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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