youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
