i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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