He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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