Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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