I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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