my phone needs a breathalizer
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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