do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
