At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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