I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize