you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
